Makeup first try

For those that don’t know I tried putting on foundation a few days ago on YouTube. Here’s the link if you want

First thing you’ll probably notice is the volume is way too low!

I guess the microphone on webcam isn’t very good! The other things I was told is that not to use my finger and that it was the wrong shade. If you could have heard me in the video I said I figured the finger was wrong. I do have some makeup sponges. I’ll have to give them a try next time.

As far as the shade I was told to try a drugstore. When I think of a drugstore I think of something like Walgreen's or Rite aid. I’m not sure if this is what the person meant and forgot to ask.

What about the volume? I hope I have found a solution. I found an inexpensive camcorder. (I’m not rich)

Camcorder

Yes, it is probably laughable! You have to start somewhere however. I did need a memory card for it too, it maxes out at 16GB memory card. (Yes, little bit of a computer nerd.)

SD Card

I figured max it out! For me it seems like you always need more memory! I’ll probably need a tripod too, but that is for another day.

  So, it will be a few days till I get my camera and memory card, then it will depend I guess. I’m sure I’ll need a tripod, but not sure where I can get one cheep. (Yep, I’m pretty much broke.)

      So, I hope you guys, gals and everything in-between enjoy my future videos and projects. Sorry for the low volume on the first attempt!

Love,

Marilyn

My son found out!

My eight year old son found out I was a cross dresser today. He say my female picture online and said that isn’t you, who is it? At first I said that I didn’t know what to tell him. Then I showed him the following pictures.

I said you know who this is right? He was like yes! My male photo for those that don’t know, then I showed him this.

I said still know who it is? He was like, yes. Then I showed him the final picture.

I said who is this? He smiled, he knew it was still me now. I ask him do you know what this means? He didn’t. I made a post to all this to Google+. He was reading the post, which is why I showed him the pictures. Since he didn’t know what it meant I showed him the online definition for cross dressing.

What is cross dressing?

I then explain it simply in my own worlds. It is when a man wears a woman’s clothes or a woman wears a man’s clothes. I think that’s good enough for an eight year old. I ask him if he had any questions. He said he didn’t, he thought it was cool that sometimes cross dressing had been used as disguise in warfare.

I told him that it wasn’t secret and that his mom knew. I also said that I wouldn’t recommend telling people at school because they may not understand and might make fun of it. So, I came out to my son as a cross dresser. How was your day?!

I’m sure there are other cross dressing parents out there. Maybe this will help you, I wanted to be honest with my son about it. Think I did ok!

I know it's just apps, but it gives me and others a rough idea what I might look like as a woman.

Love,

Marilyn

Candy

Candy by marilynsdream featuring stud earrings

Mint jacket
$52 - bhs.co.uk

TaylorSays high heel pumps
heels.com

C. Wonder stud earrings
cwonder.com

Supergirl

Supergirl by marilynsdream featuring coach bags

Retro shirt
$20 - newlook.com

Short skirt
lulus.com

Moda In Pelle high heels
$90 - psyche.co.uk

Coach bag
coach.com

Supergirl

Supergirl by marilynsdream featuring studded high heels

Scoop neck shirt
$20 - newlook.com

Red skater skirt
lulus.com

Moda In Pelle studded high heels
$90 - psyche.co.uk

Coach structured handbag
coach.com

Should I say goodbye?

I’m still going through a lot personally. I’m not sure if I’ll ever be able to cross dress totally in real life. Perhaps I should have never started this blog. Perhaps I should have never came out as a cross dresser online.

            I’m not sure if I can do this blog anymore. People want an example. People want me to be something, I’m not sure what. Seems like people have great expectations of me, not sure why. I’m just me, I consider myself to be simple in some ways.

            Some say I’m a girl (mentally) I say I’m torn between two worlds, one male and one female. I don’t seem to belong in ether. I don’t seem to belong at all. Never have, doubt I ever will. My depression is high, so is the pain, emotional pain, but still pain. I’m used to pain, both physical and emotional. The tolls have been high. Most of the time I feel I have paid the tolls in my own pain, in my own blood.

            I guess some would not understand. I’m not sure I do even. Some part of me still want to die, to end the pain.

            I feel like I have failed everyone disappointed everyone. I have no honor. As I said in a previous post “death before dishonor.”

            There seems to be nothing left but pain, hate, despair. Is that all I am? I think I used to be something different. That part of me died a long time ago. I buried that part of myself. Even found a place to bury it, perhaps not literally, but symbolically. Whatever was left walked away. Broken, shattered, never the same. I wanted to go to where that part of me is buried. I know the place, a small unmarked piece of concrete probably unnoticed by most. Not by a small broken boy who died there that day. That boy was me. I have my own grave. I feel like I’m dead in some ways. What is left isn’t what I used to be. I have forgotten who I was.

            Perhaps this will be my last blog entry. I ended one blog all ready. A blog of my pain, a blog probably hardly anyone read. Perhaps it is time to end this one too. I just don’t know what to do anymore. I feel so alone, like the nightmares long ago. Nightmares that I try to block out, possible memories of how I came to be who I am.

If I don’t do any more cross dressing blogs, goodbye  I guess I’ll keep doing my fashion articles, not even sure of that. Not sure of anything anymore.

Hero?

I was listening to the song we don’t need another hero. It seems our world is falling apart. I don’t think I’m much of a hero, but I think I have the heart of hero or heroine. Since I couldn’t think of anything else to write, and to be honest I’m somewhat depressed. What kind of hero would I be? Sometimes the outfit changes, but I know my hero. The face of a warrior.

War paint, from times much gone by, it is my face. The black for evil I see in myself. The white for the good, the yellow was supposed to be a lightning bolt. This creation is based of my depression, my hate, and my pain. I named him even. I named him Twisted Metal for a story, my story. A story of a broken person, myself.

            Marilyn is his polar opposite; perhaps she is the white in the mask. If so Twisted is the black.

            In this strange world that I may never understand I often think of the pain that helped create me. If I can control the pain, the hate, perhaps I can do some good in this hell we call home.

            Marilyn likes her dresses. So let’s a little playful with the hero today, the face remains the same. Confuse people, make them possible doubt themselves, and cause possible fear. The way of the warrior. All be it a very strange one.

            For a top a corset seems to feel right.

 

 

Corset

Pretty, yet possibly useful with the belt. If you have a belt might as well use it!

 

Dagger

Daggers are always handy. What is a warrior without a sword?

 

Sword 

You can almost never have too many weapons though! So, some little surprises for close battle.

 

Tomahawk

Two tomahawks!

                For longer range a crossbow.

Crossbow

You might need something to protect your hands and forearms, so true gauntlet gloves.

Gloves

A shield never hurts, and why not my favorite a one from Sparta! 

Shield

It’s also a good idea protect your head!

 

 

Helmet 

 

I couldn't find a skirt that I liked, but some possibilities are black or purple leather or canvas. You want it belled and not tight fitting for easy movement. You could also possibly hide your tomahawks under the skirt if you wanted. If you wonder why leather or canvas they are pretty tough fabrics, made for some abuse.

For footwear as a warrior, boots!

Boots

For pantyhose color black of course!

Pantyhose

A warriors jewelry is his or her scars, the blood of themselves, and the enemy! Perhaps one of the strangest warriors or heroes in history. Yet, there was Joan of Ark! Proves it is inside that counts, even if society doesn’t accept you. As I wonder what the future will bring us, I hope for the best and fear for the worst.

Love,

Marilyn

As far as Twisted, well he hates almost everyone. Try not to take it personally! He even hates himself if it makes you feel better.