Monday, February 16, 2015

Comfort Zone

All my life I've been encouraged to "blend in", so you don't stand out. It is the way of the survivor. Keep your head down and mouth shut, and you'll survive. Yes, you'll survive, but you will not live. Living is pushing yourself, challenging yourself and others. Standing, when others run in terror and facing your fears.

Facing you fears isn't easy. Escaping you comfort zone is a challenge. Yet, as I look back, facing your fears and being yourself is when you live. It is past time to escape the shadows of my depression, to break free. To face the consequences of my mistakes.

It is time for me to live as my own person. I'm me, I'll never be what you want me to be. I'm what I am. Hate me, love me, it doesn't matter. I have to be true to myself. I can't try and appease you, I never will, I never have. Some say I broke the mold, fuck breaking it, blow the fucker up.

It is time, brother death, for me to live. I'm tired of living in your shadow. It is time to be free, to be me, what ever that is. For me not to blend in, to step forward and say fuck you! It's my life, I'll do my best at it, and I'll try my best to do the right thing. Yet, I have to be true to myself. I live too long worrying. Bowing to the "Gods" of life, a life in chains, a life half lived due to fear.

Till one day I woke up, living in fear is no life at all. I began to snap the chains of my captivity. Sure, some are still there. With each day, I break one, the monster is free, and perhaps realizing he isn't a monster.

What am I? What is my future? I'll never know what I am in someways, or will I? I must face my doubts. I must face my fears. It will not be easy, but it is better than no life at all. *snaps chain* You ready world?!