Monday, June 16, 2014

I need to try and keep track of things

It's been a long time since I wrote in this blog, too long. As I was working on my autobiography, I realized my blogs just ended suddenly. I know a big part of it was I got discouraged. I was never sure if anyone read it. The blogs do help a lot with my autobiography a lot, however.

Jessica Who's blog, videos, and almost everything relating to her is gone now. My biggest inspiration just disappeared from being online.

While it is true that there are and probably will continue to be large gaps in my videos and more so, this blog, I hope that I can keep doing it. Perhaps I'm someone else's inspiration. I've realized it is difficult to go on with something, when the person who helped you start disappears. I'm not mad at Jessica, worried, perhaps disappointed, but not mad. She helped me along my path, and for that I'll always be grateful to her. However, I have to find the strength to go on with, or without her.

You can't always depend on people. For all of us there comes a time when you have to stand on your own. You have to face your demons. You have to face a world, that may never understand you, and most of all you have to be true to yourself. Others may laugh at you, but if you aren't true to yourself, you are lying to everyone. I've realized that now. Living in fear has been a life half lived for me. Few if any knew the true me. I was afraid of being hurt, or made fun of. Yet, as I work on freeing myself, from my prison of fear, it has altered my life. Sometimes it is frightening, but yet what is risk with out reward? You can't live in fear forever. If you try it, you will discover, like I have that you haven't lived at all.

I'm not sure how, or if my life will change if I publish my book. It will be interesting to see. If I do publish it, I owe a few signed copies to people who have ask for them. I will dedicate it to a few as well Mrs. Morford, Jacqueline Dalley, Ryan Pavlica, Erika Kovich and Deborah Vasquez. These are just some of the people who helped me. If it wasn't for Mrs. Morford, I may have never started writing. It is odd how some people can alter your life.